Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
