I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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