A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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