Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize