Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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