During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
not ubering you a puppy
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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