Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
