please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
