so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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