I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
