i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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