I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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