Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
