So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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