After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
