just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
