Are we in a gay sports bar?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
