he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
