can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
