I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
