Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
