Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize