i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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