Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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