mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
