If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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