Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
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wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
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Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.