We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me