mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.