Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can I color on your dick again?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.