she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.