Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.