I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child