Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.