She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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