no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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