I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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