I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
