I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
