yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
