google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
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I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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