Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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