sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
