She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
