she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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