Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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