Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
