it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
