ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
