so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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