i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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