Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
