Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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