I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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