i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
