I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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