This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
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I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
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