i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
