So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
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I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
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Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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