I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i out mim tonsoeep
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