You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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